Relationship Arguments - The Good And The Bad

Fighting is a part of life. And most of us believe that fighting is a perfectly normal (and very common) part of a romantic relationship, as well. When two people spend a large amount of time together, their different ways of thinking and being are naturally emphasized. After all, there are only so many situations in which two people will agree.

But while disagreements are a natural part of relationships, not all disagreements are good for relationships. There are ways to fight constructively, and ways to fight destructively. What you need to learn as a couple is how to deal with conflict the right way.

Good fighting - that is, a resolvable disagreement that is carried out in a constructive way - is characterized by:

Listening. Arguments can damage your relationship. But they can also offer an opportunity to understand one-another better. The key to understanding? Communication. And, of course, the first step in communicating with your partner is listening to what he or she has to say. Sometimes, fighting is simply about clearing the air; just knowing that you listened to what his or her thoughts can be enough to soothe and settle your boyfriend or girlfriend's anger.

Of course, listening to what your partner has to say is more difficult than it sounds. When you're upset, your body is overtaken by your emotions. You're so angry, scared, or frustrated that it's difficult to focus on what your partner is saying. But an important part of fighting constructively is the ability to separate your thoughts from your hectic emotions. In any argument, it's generally true that each participant has a valid point to make. If you listen to what your partner has to say, there's a much higher chance of reaching common ground... or at least making a compromise.

Understanding. Another key part of communicating effectively with your partner is actually understanding what you're listening to. Instead of blocking out what your boyfriend or girlfriend has to say, request more information about their perspective by asking questions. Before talking about your own perspective, take the time to verify that you've clearly understood what your partner had to say. Repeat back to them what it is you understand about their position, then move on to expressing your own.

Maintaining control. The hardest part about accomplishing the above two things? Control. The way we feel when fighting is a perfectly natural thing; when severely stressed, our bodies initiate a fight or flight response. And while this is completely normal, it's not very constructive when you're trying to resolve a problem with your boyfriend or girlfriend. An increased heart rate, heavy breathing, nausea, tension... all of these things are your body's reaction to stress.

Though it can feel overwhelming, simply reminding yourself that your body's reaction is separate from the issue at hand can be a helpful step towards calming down. You can also try taking several slow, deep breaths; relaxing your body and shoulders; or taking a time out. These methods also work well if you're in an internet dating relationship. Take a deep breath, step away from the keyboard, and allow yourself to calm down before you continue.

When you don't allow yourself to calm down, or don't make an attempt to control your body's physical response to stress, you are liable to make a bad situation worse. How many times have you said something cruel or hurtful in the heat of the moment, only to regret it later? If you're anything like me, more than you can count.

Staying focused. Many people use fighting with their boyfriend or girlfriend as an excuse to unload all of their negative feelings about the relationship. This is counter-productive, hurtful, and tends to take the conversation in an unhealthy direction. Constructive fighting stays focused on the issue at hand, and doesn't deviate onto side issues that will only distract from solving this specific problem.

Offering solutions. While expressing yourself and being sure that you're heard is an important part of fighting, constructive fighting will generally lead towards some sort of solution, or at least a better understand of one another's perspectives. Listen carefully and make an effort to understand... then work together to find a solution to your problems that works well for your both.

When you're in a relationship, it's important to remember that, just because you love or care for one another doesn't mean you will always see eye to eye. But couples who truly love one another and are willing to work to make one another happy will find constructive ways to solve problems, or at least to come to terms with one another's differences. In these sorts of relationships, fighting can be truly constructive, strengthening the relationship rather than weakening it. The more you work towards being a constructive fighter rather than a destructive one, the better an understanding you'll have of your partner and what makes him or her special in the first place.

Article Source: http://articlewagon.com

This article was written by Shawn Wilson, a member of the customer support team at Datepad, where internet dating is always free. Datepad has a massive directory of informative dating articles along with a great list of dating site reviews on their dating blog.

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